Lulav 
by Lawrence D. Weinberg (a parody to the tune of "Lola" by the Kinks)

I bought it in a shop down in Borough Park, 
where you can't walk ten feet and not see a  succah.   
(samech vav chaf hay).  succah.

I walked up to the counter where I saw a man, 
he asked me, "Nu?" and with an Sephardic voice I said a lulav.  
(lamed vav lamed vet).   lulav

Well, I'm not the world's most talkative guy, 
but when he answer in yiddish I nearly lost my mind 
for my lulav.  la la la la lulav.

Well, I'm not so frum but I can't understand, 
why you have to hold it in your right hand 
to shake a lulav.  la la la la lulav.

Well, I shook it north, south, east, and west 
so I decided to by the lulav, I guess.  
So I put the lulav in the bag, 
but I should have wrapped it with a wet rag.
Well, I'm not the world's most religious guy, 
but when I held it tight I nearly cried,
for my lulav.  la la la la lulav.

I paid in the store.  I took it to shul.  I felt like a fool.  
I stopped saying the bracha. And I dropped the lulav to the floor.

And that's the way it was that day, 
and I never got to say, "Oy vey" 
for my lulav.  la la la la lulav.

Some men wear hats, some men wear curls, 
there are a thousand minhagim in this world, 
but not for lulavs.  la la la la lulav.

Well, I became frum just a year before, 
and I'd never ever benched lulav before.  
It was like wearing a tallis, becoming a man, 
holding the arba minim in my two hands.

Now I'm not sure if I'm going to heaven, 
my religious life's been somewhat of a lemon, 
and so was my ethrog.  eth eth eth eth ethrog.